It a long mourning that never ceases to end. It is a twilight that takes its time so it comes to mingle with reality. It's just one of the worst days I have long been known.
the hell do you dare say you live in society?
People take me all they can, I know. There will be no end. And a friend who is dying is a part of you that he carries with him, this son of a bitch.
The weather is beautiful today. The sun shines as ever, and gives the declining been a second wind. The streets are flooded with a light that brightens colors and gives a smile to passersby. I find it almost moved.
Formerly Xavier told me that somehow people do not care about us, and when I asked him what he meant, he referred not to answer. I'm all alone and I manage not to die. I can not do better.
Nobody will come to our aid, and no compassion more than five minutes before thinking about his own problems. People take what there is to take, and I can hardly blame them.
I think Vincent has doubts. A few minutes after the disappearance of Xavier, screamed and wept after losing to consciousness, he came to find me. Red eyes and raspy voice, he asked me seriously if I had anything to do with the death of our friend. Seriously, I said no, and he was completely crazy. He
stared insistently, during what seemed a full minute, and I did not dare add. He, indeed. I went to see the corpse, and he went for a walk in the garden, and we did not seen the day.
Hesitating between crying and vomiting, and finally abandoning me or does one or the other, I pulled out the body of Xavier blankets. I grabbed clothes, and I dressed as saying he was better than I do at the time, before its members not bend over. I remember thinking 'That's it. It exactly that. "without really knowing what I was referring.
I was the news to my mother and my sisters, who did not want to see the corpse. Then I went down to the car to unload the trunk. Vincent was still in the garden, and I pointed out his presence with murmurs too distant for me to decipher.
I brought everything that was in the car inside the house, and have piled up in a closet, thinking that I probably will not touch again. Finally, I went to sit on the hood of the vehicle empty and I looked through the day. I wanted more than anything that the sun goes faster, already be tonight, tomorrow, next week, in a year.
At that time my life was it. It was exactly that. This disgusted me and I suddenly wanted to return there later. I wanted to be alone and out of time, because people and days pass m'effritent and I want to know me m'amenuise preserve.
Xavier was gone, thinking surely he had nothing to do with us. But gradually I realized that his departure was premature. I know I use a sword or finish a novel, but it's just a minimum in the world in which we live.
At dusk, I went to join Vincent in the garden, and I discovered that he had vandalized the garden. All around him stretched the torn carrots, and tomatoes are still green up crushed. The mustache was smoking a cigarette and told me it was the last.
you stop smoking?
-Of course not, it's a queer stuff, I used this ... my stock.
I noticed that his eyes avoided landing on me, and I waited a few seconds in vain that he apologized for having doubted my predictions about the death of Xavier.
I sat with him, and I ate a tiny carrot in trying to establish when it had all started messing around. When I asked him his opinion, he looked at me like I was a child who found himself in his office, and he did not know what to do.
-Since the death of Roger, he said. Listen, we must bring Xavier to his parents ...
-I have already emptied the car.
Everything was said, agreed. We got up, more determined than ever, and are mounted to the chamber of death. Vincent made no comment about the clothes I had spent Xavier, who were yet a bit too garish in the circumstances. Without a sound, we lowered the body by the stairs, go to the house in the trunk of the car.
Vincent was then installed on the passenger seat and I waited, smoothing his mustache with a worried look. I hesitated to say goodbye to my family, then I realized that anyway I did not know what to say.
-On carries not the food? I asked. Carrots?
-cores are still here.
I'm behind the wheel, a little uncomfortable. Neither Vincent nor I have a driver's license. I initiated the contact, and the roar shy of our gear did not really reassured. I entered the alley, being careful not to stall, and not crush my mother's cat who followed me on some tens of meters.
I felt that was more sprawling residential suburb as ever. Thinking out quickly, I realized that many houses had appeared on the path of the highway, something I do not notice when I'm single passenger.
It is more likely every day. It is therefore normal that it is always harder for the misanthropic assholes like me.
We drive now on the big empty highway that takes us to the parents of Xavier. The fuel gauge of the car does not finish off, and Vincent resists all attempts I make to go to him. I sincerely pity: He will not get rid of his suspicions about me, and probably will never so much my friend he was. And it will be worse when we bury Xavier.
After a few hours, he finally asked to stop to let him pee. I do it and park the car on the emergency lane. It will relieve themselves in a field, throwing occasional glances behind him to check if I am about not stab him.
I begin to tire. It is pitch dark, and it's painful for me to drive. Everything is so sad that I want to scream and go lose myself in the sleeping countryside.
We go by car, and Vincent returns his silence. A sentence for me would be enough to fix everything. Maybe two. Instead, I let the mustachioed surrendering to sleep, despite his obvious fear of not waking up.
-On will not be enough fuel to return to Paris next, I said to myself.
we come in on foot, dozing Vincent.
I ride in the dark until it is completely asleep. I lost several friends today. And grieving is far from over.
I cut the headlights and try to feel the emptiness, fill my emptiness, understand the true absence. I distinguish the barriers on both sides of the vehicle, which lead me straight to full speed. I feel that the road is open now, know exactly how it all will end.
I close my eyes. I find myself in an even darker world. There is neither goblin or super hero, and I can not even fly in this imaginary realm that I had built. It just looks like two huge eyes closed, and life after writing.
I succeeded. I have depopulated all around me, and now I'm as lonely as I wanted. And like everything depends only on me, I know how it all will end.
In a last effort of imagination, I am Martine appear in the middle of the black world. It's been so long that I did not mind that some contours of his face is blurred. So I focus on her body. Mentally, I is the Supergirl costume, and come near me tenderly to her to undress.
While I drag one of his braces on my order, she drops the phrase that I dream to hear that from the beginning: "Save us, man of steel!"
Vincent wonder why I ride with the headlights off, and I immediately reopen the eyes. I note with relief that he did not notice that I had closed.
-Anyway there is nobody I said.
-There are people everywhere, grumbles he fell asleep again.
Note: Do not use your real fantasies
Soon: Vincent dramatizes
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